Family and loved ones can be one of the loveliest parts of a wedding. It can also be one of the trickiest!
A lot of couples start planning their ceremony thinking they know exactly what they want. Then family opinions start appearing from all directions and suddenly decisions feel more emotional than initially expected. That is incredibly common, because weddings are not just personal events. They’re family events too.
Where pressure usually comes from
Pressure can be extremely obvious or sometimes, it’s subtle. It can sound like:
- “We always do it this way”
- “Your granny would love if…”
- “Are you not including…?”
And often, nobody is trying to make things difficult. Family members usually want to feel included, connected or emotionally part of the day.
But for you as a couple, it can leave you feeling torn between keeping people happy and staying true to yourselves.
You’re allowed to keep the ceremony feeling like you
I can’t stress this enough! Including family does not mean handing over the ceremony.
You are still allowed to:
- Keep things simple
- Choose elements that feel natural to you
- Leave out traditions that do not fit
- Make decisions based on how you want the ceremony to feel
A ceremony works best when it feels genuine and it’s something guests pick up on immediately.
Thoughtful ways to include people
Inclusion does not have to mean giving everyone and their dog a major role. Sometimes smaller moments feel more meaningful.
That could look like:
- Asking someone to do a reading
- Including a family or cultural tradition in a simple way
- Mentioning important people during the ceremony
- Having parents or grandparents involved in the entrance of signing of the legal documents
You do not need to overcomplicate it.
It’s okay to set boundaries
Eeek, this part can feel uncomfortable, especially if you’re close with your family. But let’s face it, your ceremony should not feel like a performance for everyone else.
A helpful question to ask yourselves is:
“Are we including this because it genuinely feels right, or because we feel guilty?” That answer will tell you a lot.
A celebrant’s role in this
Part of what I help couples do is find balance. Not shutting family out, while not people pleasing.
If you’re aiming to honour the people important to you while still creating a ceremony that feels comfortable, personal and true to your relationship, I can help you find the happy medium.
Because at the end of the day, the ceremony should feel like the two of you rather than a collection of expectations from everyone else.
If you’d like help with that, just get in touch.
Lots of love,
Rev. Arlene x
